New Year, Old Me!

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Every year I feel like I am surrounded by people who are looking to change their whole lives at the turn of the New Year. With a lot of thinking and praying, I think I've decided that I need to go back to my roots. I had a rough year last year and I ended the year feeling like I had lost myself along the way. Dealing with difficult people and being in the center of drama in my graduate program really hit me hard with questioning who I am and what kind of person I am. I have officially survived my first week of classes and I am actually feeling good about my progress on my thesis. Now - where does that leave me? Am I still lost?  Basically. But I'm at least identifying that I need to get back to my roots. So here are my "resolutions"of how I am going to get back to my roots and find myself again.

This photo is me and Kyle getting ready to go on
the largest downhill coaster in the U.S.
Pigeon Forge, NC
New Year's Eve - December 2015

1. Investing more into my family

This doesn't just include taking the initiative to talk to my family more often but to also spend more time with my family. I'd like find a way to get back home more often. I can probably count the number of times I went home during the last couple years of my undergrad on one hand. I'd like to think that I have a good relationship with all of my parents, grandparents, and brother, but those relationships take time and investment even if they are family. I'm starting to believe, after working with so many people, that relationships with family members can be the most difficult to keep and have everyone "happy."

2. Becoming more confident

When I was active in my sorority, a few of my pledge sisters used to compliment me for my confidence and some even looked at me to be the "voice" to speak up on an issue. I think I used to be a lot more confident about myself and I think that is ultimately what helped me reach where I am today. However, that trait has started to diminish into shyness and uncertainty. Grad school is hard and I have been around the same faces every day for a few months now - it can be discouraging to feel pressured all of the time and surrounded by people who are just as smart or even smarter than yourself. You begin to believe you're the weakest link and it becomes dangerous to your mental health. That's essentially where I put myself without even noticing until it was too late. I would love to get some of my confidence back! 

3. Volunteer more! 

I have had some great times volunteering for different organizations - some of which even led to job opportunities and some well-needed professional development. I miss working with children, which is really why I chose to go into school psychology, and I love investing into the greater good and the community. I used to volunteer for a few community-based organizations and I want to try to make time to volunteer for a couple of places again this semester. Our clinic director has some great opportunities for working with the students in the neighboring county and I think I am going to try volunteering again with him.

4. Make time for Game Time

This hasn't been a problem for me this past week (despite the internet being out at my apartment all weekend).  However, I did not take any time for myself last semester despite all of the great video games that came out. For me, game time is essential for my happiness. Some people like to read, some people like to knit, others like to go fishing.... I love to play video games. It's my thing. I should even blog about it because I love gaming so much. I lost touch with the gaming community that I joined (=VX9=) and I am really regretting it because they were such great people and I completely lost touch with playing World of Tanks online. It's time for me to get back to it! 

5. Learn to "let it go" and keep it gone 

I'm not talking about the Frozen song, but really that I need to let go of grudges and stop moping around. I used to never hold grudges - even for people who probably deserved it. It's just not really me. I normally prefer to just let things go and move on. I have no idea what came over me last semester but some kind of evil took over my heart and just kept pushing me to NOT let things go. Thanks to Christmas break, I snapped out of it and just let things go. But I don't want that kind of burden on my heart again. It truly puts me into emotional distress to hold grudges. I know it sounds crazy, but it really does put a burden on my psyche.

Who knows - this way of trying reconnect with who I think I am may lead me to truly rediscovering myself.


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